You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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