Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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