yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
