32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
