The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
