so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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