eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
