I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
