so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
