Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
