Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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