Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
