There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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