I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
