matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
