Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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