I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
