Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
