We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
