I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
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