best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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