I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
He felt like a one man threesome
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
