i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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