cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
