Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
