this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
