I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
