A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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