Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
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