if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
