I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
