I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Boobs are out for the taking
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
