I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
