I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
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