Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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