Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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