Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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