I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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