You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Randomize
