you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
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