She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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