one word: firstdatebathroomanal
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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