You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
