I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
