dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
