Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
