you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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