Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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