Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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