So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
